Doing your Duty

Now before I begin I would like to state emphatically that this post is graphic in nature and is not for the weak of stomach =P


So you're sitting in your chair at work, and it hits you! Damn you got to go let the dogs out and double time. You get up and pray to the Gods of toilet heaven that no one is going ot stop and ask you some stupid ass question and want to try and be your friend. You are on a mission and it needs to be taken care of pronto.

Whew! You made it to the restroom and no one else is there so you are gonna be able to enjoy this immensely but for now you are doing the dance of the dung and you can feel those muscles contracting in your backside and you got to get to the throne so that your subjects will be able to worship you from down under.

Now for me I am tall and in our restroom at work there is one particular one I like to use. It is truly a throne to behold! When I sit upon it I don't have to sit down as if I am hunkered over and squatting against a tree. I can sit on it and feel all comfy like and truly get that relaxed feeling one needs to get the juices flowing. So I go and choose this one when I can (Hey so what if it is marked Handicapped!). This stool is the very last one in a line of like 7 stalls it is by itself and if someone else comes into to make their own business deal they can choose from plenty of others.

Now this is where the problem starts.....

So I go into the stall and have been all calm and straightforward almost a scowl on my face so that no one will talk to me I have made it to my destination and enter the mighty stall that I want to use. But I have to digress just for a moment and ask how the hell does your ass know that you are in the stall I mean hell yeah you got to go bad but you aint gonna shit your pants ya know? But for some reason when you get in there close the door its almost like the turds in yas are ready to come out to play! You can feel them trying to poke their heads out and your like Ahh hell! You cannot get your pants off fast enough and you start doing the little dance of the dung to try and hurry it up!

Booyah! We are on the pot and you are getting ready to rip one out to hell with the noise it makes no one is in here... And wouldn't you know it! Someone opens the door to the bathroom as you are gonna let fly. Damn! So much for enjoying this moment. So you sit there quietly trying not to make all kinds of noise and the party has moved back a block and decided that they wanna play indoors. "Well He will go away in a moment" I think to myself no biggy... But then the unthinkable happens! That bastard has all the choices in the world to pick from and he has to come and sit in the stall right next to yours. "Arrrrgh this is shite!" how can he do this not only is he next to me so that I may inhale his stench but he takes his pants to the floor and spreads his legs out so that part of his foot is in here with me as well.

At this point I would really like to extend my hand under the stall ask him to shake my hand and say "Welcome to port-o-pilot I am the Captain and you must be my new co-pilot because you are sitting so fucking close to me so lets get ready to board the flight." Now I am sure he will probably ignore my handshake and at this point I will be ready to go so I will announce in a loud voice " Gentlemen we will be taking off in the next few moments so please buckle yourselves in there is turbulence in this are and it may be a little rough", and at that point I let the loudest wettest thing I can rip out me back side and just keep it going for as long as I can and when done I can say " WooHoo that was a bumpy take off but from here on out it should be smooth flying thank you for flying to pot-o-shit airlines!


Ahhh the gratification that would give me but alas it will never happen instead I hunker down and try to be as silent with my droppage as I can just praying for the big ripper not to fly loose.


In closing I would just like to say to all you fat assed bastards out there....

"Use The empty stalls first keep some space 'tween yourself and the other guy you Bastards!"