The Odd Giblet

 The Seeker has been neglecting you , his studious friends, with his daily regaling of life at it's worst. Therefore I will post many exciting, and provocative, thoughts in here. If you get lost, it is truly not my problem.

Melody Mayhem
A couple days ago I am enjoying an afternoon nap immensly when I hear the sounds of whispering. Oh shit! This is never good. Children for the most part are loud obnoxious creatures and you willl lose any thought of serenity you had once been able to maintain before their arrival. You see, when a noisy atmosphere becomes quiet there is evil afoot. I liken it to the movies that you may watch and the lead characters are stumbling about looking for God knows what, and the forest goes silent. There is not eventhe sound of an ant passing gas it is so quiet. You know that as a movie-goer that you are about to meet some menace on the big screen. Well this is the way it is in my little piece of life. If the world goes silent. I am truly, without a doubt, going to be fucked.

I get out of bed to the sounds of pssshhh shhp psshh QUIET (At what age does a child learn that to yell the word "Quiet" actually negates all plans of demonization that they are intent upon?) Pshshshs warble warble..... giggle giggle SHUT UP! Pshshssh.
 
What's going on in here guys? Why are you all whispering?
 
Father from whose loins I have sprung (Oh Jesus here it comes now!). Would you let us keep this divine creature of God that we have found out under your car? She was lonely, crying for us to save her from the wild animals all about our neighborhood! We wil care for her! We will take good care of her!
 
Fuck! You already brought it in the house? Let me See...
 
They present this tiny little cat to me ...FREEZE FRAME>>>> OH MY GOD!!! All I can think about is all my ruined clothes that little bastard Brownie cost me>>>>

I take a look at her andshe is the weirdest looking cat I have ever seen. She is like a tortoise color, calico, all kinds of stuff. Her face has little chettah spots on is and is black, orange, brown, grey... Oh isn't she so fucked up she is cute... sighs... alright you guys can keep her if she pisses me off shes gone you got that?
 
 Sure Dad! Yay!

 
Now the kids are gone I am left alone with her and she is truly a female in all sense of the word. She whines, cries, meows, and has to be up my ass every where I go.  Hell man, earlier I went to take a nap and the little bitch crawled on my chest and stuck her ass right up against my nose....

Me sleeping....

WTF? WTF? What is that smell? Eyes peer open afraid, so very afraid.... OMG There is cat anus against my nose! SHIT!
 
I have a feeling this is going to be a very interesting next few weeks. Oh BTW... meet Melody Mayhem newst retard in my house hold... Oh and so nice I just caught a wiff of her passing gas as I type this. I am so feeling the love right now.

 
Summertime Blues
 In a previous story I wrote about a nasty fat woman who has a smelly cooter. Well since the heat index here in the land of OK has been hovering around 105-108 degrees daily,  the aroma of stank puss once again fills the air. Twice I have been caught on the elevator and was able to hold off the maloderous air, but I am afraid my poor friend was not so lucky. He saw her and started for the stairwell... No Come on in we can ride together she says in her deep, testerone induced, voice. Being the nice guy he is he makes his way to the chamber of doom! He enters, breath held against hte hope that he may live to see tomorrow, and be there for the birth of his unborn child. I am sorry my friends, it wasn't meant to be. She started a conversation with him and he had to reply. At that point he took in a breath of fetid air, and it was all over the rest of the time my poor boy was doing all he could so that he would not vomit up on her flowered moo moo.

I visited him in the hospital yesterday and he is starting to regain some of his motor skills. He asked about my blog and told me to impart a plea for all mankind.

Do you ever have that so unclean feeling? Then use a douche in your god damn cunts!
 
I personally think he put it quite eloquently don't you? Has a spring fresh feeling about it.

 

Annoyances to the nth degree
 
 The rules of walking are as follows. Always stay to the right unless an obstacle interferes with your path. You will then stop and allow oncoming traffic to pass before continuing on the journey.

Pretty simple huh?

Nope.

Seems that with the fat fetish we have before us the rules are changing and not for the better. The Fatties now standing side by side take up the entire fucking hallway. We know this because they fucking cant walk very fast and they like to freakin talk as they create seismic waves throughout the corridor. Now I totally understand that they have a thing for eating and thatis the basis of their sexuality. To each his own and all that jazz. What I do have a problem with is that they are getting so enormous that they can no longer stand side by side. One of them is actually very close but one step behind them so that they over lap and are yet still blocking Seeker's path.

Here is the kicker. They don't Fucking move out of my way. They are in my god damn mother fucking lane of traffic and I am supposed to stop and let them pass as I suck in my gut and hump the wall? Fuck you! I feel some corridor cacophony coming on, yeah thats right! You heard me, and I did not stutter! This is the new road rage man shits gonna be all over 48 hours extra edition tomorrow night.

So let me rephrase the rules.

Move out of the Tall Irish looking mother fucker's way when you see him a coming. That scowl is his smile and pain is his friend. you want some of him? Then just try not moving next time as he trips you so that your ham hock of an ankle explodes of the weight of your body. The gravitional forces will pull you down hard and fast, just the way he likes. As you bounce the first time on the ground he rears back with his size 12 Harley Daidson boot and kicks you down the hall way shouting the entire time....

" Air ball you Fat Bitch! Next time move you fucking freak!"
 
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