Follow The Yellow Brick Road

Now listen up everyone that has a computer and ever needs technical support. You are about to receive some advice from a guy who can help you fix what ails you but for the love of Jesus do what I say! Do not, I repeat 'Do not', go into some diatribe about how your life is so shitty and that you are a computer illiterate because honestly I do not give a fuck about you or your little problems! Ok, Ok, I am friendly and will chat with sometimes it does make the time go by more quickly.....


I just got off the phone with this dumb cunt that has the nerve to call me up and tell me she has a couple of printers that are not working. No biggy... I just go into my network GUI and see the problem and ask her to perform a couple of simple hot key commands to restart the application that has failed. Can she do it though? Hell no I have to listen to this fucking bitch talk to everyone and their dog about how their family is and their new babies and what they ate for god damned lunch yesterday. Now what the fuck all is that about? What happened to common courtesy, did it disappear into the void of Neverland Ranch?


Seeker's rules for a quick and painless approach to getting your issues resolved.

1. If you are going to call in with a problem at least think about how you are going to describe it to me before calling. Do not just sit there and say 'it doesn't work'. Because I am going to ask you what doesn't work and we can end up in an endless cycle of you saying your computer doesn't work and me asking 'What about your computer?'.

2. Once you have established a problem, decided you need my expert advice, and are in the midst of calling me to fix the trouble make sure that you are not going to be interrupted with some crap that has no bearing on us working the problem to fruition. Do not get involved with playing with your,Dog, cat, child, husband, wife, etc.

3. I am technical support for the airline industry and for some reason their are an inordinate amount homosexuals that seek employment in this field. If this is your preference that is not my issue and you are welcomed to be who you are, but do not hit on me tell me you gay stories or try in any way possible to convert me I am not interested and it will make the call that much more difficult for you because I will be pissed off.

4. After extremely difficult fixes if you feel the need to praise me please feel free to do. "Yes", I know I am God, but your unadulterated worship feels good all the same so please do not refrain from praising my might!

5. If you are a fat bastard do not be calling in until you have your breathing under control. I, personally, do not care to have your wheezing in my ear during the entire call! Please use some sort of yoga or repeat a mantra to relax your breathing and then when you are off the call you can fall down and have your heart attack for all I care.

6. Do you call your home appliance repair man to fix your car? Well if I say I do not support that product do not argue with me I DO NOT SUPPORT IT! Can I fix it? Well if it is an application most likely I can but I am not going to because that's out of the scope of my current job. If you want my services such as you are asking you need to work on a way to mail me some plane tickets and pay me for my time. I do not work for free nor will I just because you think a little flirting will get you somewhere.

7. Do not over-describe your problem. K.I.S.S. = Keep It Simple Stupid! Yes go ahead keep talking and acting like you know a lot about computers and use a lot of words that are not applicable to the actual problem I will mute you and call you a fucking moron so my peers can hear what a dumbass I have on the other end. "Yeah fella you need to pust some brake light fluid in that you'll be fixed right up!"


8. If I ask you to crawl on the floor to get to the base unit to check the cables just fucking do it! Don't gripe at me about how you'll get dirty, and then act like you do it but really don't. I know everything and will know if you are lying to me.

9. Since when did 30 seconds become 2? How the hell can I expect you to fucking work on your computer if you cannot tell how long 30 seconds is.


10. And lastly I am a technician I am not a teacher if you do not know how to use the equipment or specific applications do not bother calling me because you're going to get the "Hey your a dumbass" tone in my voice. Be fore-warned!



Muhahhahahaahh

OK I am not really that bad but I want you guys to think of these things as you call in it will make your call that much easier on the both of us.

Lastly if you call into support and get India? All I can say is write your congress man and tell them it pisses you off and keep those jobs here all they do is use scripts and you are 90% likely to get your problem unresolved.