Of Life and Death, A Frog's Tale

A couple weeks back I was over at my parent's house kicked back watching a movie on their 72 inch behemoth of a television. My boy's were running to and fro, keeping mainly to the outdoors, which was cool by me(I cannot stand to be interrupted when I am watching a movie).

Well at some point during this time period BAD1, and BAD3, had somehow discovered a pirates bounty! A treasure for a child this surely was. Without my knowledge they had conceived of a plan to abscond with this treasure and make it their newest pet. I am pretty sure that the plan was to show me that if they had created a habitat for this tiny little green and brown tree frog, I would surely let them keep it. Venturing into the front part of the house quite carefully they sit before me a see thru art supply box filled with grass, sticks, a little cup of water, and this little frog hopping all about. In the boys' eyes I could see the desire to keep this little creature of God and even though it broke my heart to tell them "No" I had to explain to them that this was a free little thing and they should enjoy it for what it is and let it go back into the woods(And the fact that if my mother saw it in her house we would all die was a bit of the factoring taken into account as well).

So they trot off, shoulers down, sulking all the way back to where I thought would be the release of the little frog. Irritated at the movie interruption , I lean back and try to enjoy my show, but this lasts all of 5 minutes when I hear my mother freaking out in the other part of the house yelling for me to come there and "Get this thing out of my house!". "Well, Mother Fucker! So much for me enjoying this piece of shit movie", I sigh as I make my way to the kids' bedroom to find out what the commotion was all about. To my dismay it seems that BAD3 did not want to take the frog back outside so he had taken it to the room and let the frog free in the house. Apparently the little dude had escaped quite rapidly straight into one of the AC vents causing me to remove everything off of one wall and taking then vent up and reaching my hand down into the hole to retrieve the little bugger.

Once he was caught I placed it back into the little habitat that the kiddos had put together and told them that if they didn't let him go back to where they got him I was gonna be upset... As well as not to bother Dad while he is watching a movie!. They saunter off outside, my mom quits griping, and I go and sit down (Yet again).

2 minutes until the movie is over.

I hear this blood curdling scream coming from the front part of the house. The sound is as if two felines had met the hands of a vivisectionist at the same time. "Oh Fucking Hell!", I curse as I deliberately make my way back there getting the last 2 minutes in before I do so. Making my way to the front part of the house I see BAD1 and BAD3 right inside the bathroom crying, and boo-hooing. It seems there is no blood or limbs pointing in opposite directions. All safe there... But why is my mother outside yelling at BAD2?

Finally after the blubbering and screaming resides I get the entire story. It seems that the boys did not heed the Father's well worded advice and took to their own inventions. You see, my sons were also outside playing with a remotely controlled big-foot monster truck at approximately the same time the little frog was found. So with the intellect of a 9 year old BAD1 Thinks it would be fun to put said frog into the cab of the 4X4 and let him have a little ride around the driveway for a bit. Now at first I started to smile so I had to turn away from my children, because I knew if I looked at their little sad eyes I was gonna piss my pants laughing.

My mom notices my bemused smirk and gives me the old evil eye. Ok, Ok I am calming down but Fuick man this is funny. When I first heard of this a cartoon image of their little frog stuck out in my min with him in the driver's side of the truck, head and left appendage hangint out the window with his long ass tongue billowing in the breeze... and he is looking so fucking A cool! Well if this isn't what my kids had in mind I don't know what they were thinking!

To hear the tragic tale told from BAD1 it seems that the truck made too fast a turn and ejected the happy little frog out the window placing him in the path of the vehicle as it rolled on top of him. Now I am totally getting more visuals and am fighting to keep a straight face. I ask what caused them to cry... and the answer seems to be that BAD1 and BAD3 ran over to see what happened to the little frog and saw his mangled body with half his guts hanging out through a hole in his stomach. The damn frog was still alive at this time and the two boys really weren't sure of what to do...Well BAD2 comes up and in all his wisdom tries to push all the entrails that have spewed forth back inside of the dying frog, and being that the frog was still alive at this time he lets out a little croak and then expires. This sets BAD1,and BAD2 into a tizzy of crying and leads up to the whole point of this story..

I started laughing so hard I couldn't keep from crying, myself, and my mom disgusted with the whole affair had to lecture each of them individually about playing with nature after we tell them not to. By now everyone is bawling, my mom is yelling, and I am in trouble for laughing.

A couple days later all of us are in my car, and in a sincere voice I ask "Yo! BAD1 did your frog croak?"


Yeah, the little bastard told on me for that and I got to hear from my mom about how soft hearted he was and that I shouldn't make fun of him. Damn, I guess one is never to old to get an ass kicking from their mom!