Man vs. Machine
I work in a secure technological environment on F.A.A. controlled land/airspace. To enter this place is like entering a fortress. The walls of my building are 2 foot thick and have been designed to withstand a direct hit from a 747. To actually enter the grounds you have to use an identification badge this badge is waved before a magnetic eye and you are then supposed to step into a chamber. In this chamber you will be weighed and if your weight is over/under 20 pounds +/- you will be denied access.
I have noticed that changed happen when you hit 30. I no longer carry around at 180 pounds or so. Slowly The weight inched up and I filled out taking on what I shall be as a man. No biggy, it isn't too bad yet. I put off exercise and eat as much as I want enjoying life as it comes.
Today I go on into work liek nothing in the world is wrong. Do my job and when my time is up I leave telling god a brief thank you as I head out the door. As per normal I walk clear across the complex and swipe my badge and enter the chamber. BUZZ BUZZ ,I hear..WTF? I look at the LCD display that usually has a sign. Holy Shit No way!!! Mother fucker!!! I exit back the way I came, and try the other chamber. BUZZ BUZZ... Arrrrrrrrgh! With great trepidation I glance at the little green screen one last time....
OVERWEIGHT!
OVERWEIGHT!
SEE SECURITY NOW!
Almost in tears I make my way across the complex get to the security department and tell them that it is giving me a weight error. I get a few smiles from the ladies. The guy starts asking all kinds of lame ass questions... Do you take your laptop or luggage through the door?...
Ok Smartass...I reply impatiently....Look I gained weight just reset the sum bitch!... Now I am the chuckle of the day and have to test the front weight lock to make sure it resets properly.
As I walk back by security one of the ladies shouts out....You didn't gain anymore on your way out of the Lock did you hun?
Yeah BitchFuck you too....
What a bitch it is to be getting old... Mother Fucker!
Needless to say I passed this next go around not happily mind you, not happily.
3 Comments:
Seek man, you shoulda taken a shite before you left. You probably woulda passed then.
Don't sweat the small stuff- the women were just happy to see it happen to a man for a change! As long as Dr. Phil isn't asking you to appear via tv because you can't fit out your door, you're fine!
That has got to be one of the funniest things I've read in a while. I'm not laughing AT you... :lol:
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