Regrettable Reference Points

I was 15 years old and she was in my world history class. Her name was Amy, and she was one of the cutest, most beautiful girls I had seen. She was quiet but had a laugh that would make you smile if you heard it echoing across the room. I never really took the time to speak to her, or became friends with her, but I could see her every now and then looking towards me and smiling that beautiful smile she had and it would always make me blush. I would turn away and act like I was interested in what was going on in the classroom but when I thought she wasn't looking I would steal peeks at her myself.

About three-quarters of the way through the year she was gone; vanished into thin air. The teach announced to us that she had moved away with her parents due to a divorce situation and would no longer be attending our school. I couldn't believe it! I had truly fucked up and missed my chance to get to know her and what she was all about. I was never with the "In-Crowd", I knew everyone and they knew me as well but I never got involved with thier little social cliques. I was more like the guy that shaved his head and wore military fatigues one day and maybe a suit the next. This beautiful creature that had blonde hair, an athletic body, and a contagious smile was gone from my life and I had never let her in. I think back and realize I was a fool for not realizing that I definitely had a chance to know her or perhaps even date her, but my self imposed shyness with the opposite sex left me alone without a chance.

Flash Foward to the Following Summer

I was at a convention for guys/gals who played RPG's. Yes I was a fucking nerd and played Dungeons & Dragons. I will admit to it and I am not ashamed; Some of the best times of my life were gathered around around a table with all of our books layed strewn about haphazardly as we tried to defeat the evil menaces that plagued out make-believe world. We would play all night with not a care about the real world at all, snacks and sodas ran the gamut and we laughed, ate, and drank to our merry hearts content. Yes, I am side tracking here so back to the story. So anyways in the summer following her absense I was at this convention in a huge hotel that is made too look like a castle, it's called Camelot and in the years following it has fallen into a sickening state of disrepair and neglect. Some fucking Hare Krishna organization bought it and then started to remodel it but after all the asbestos that was found inside it's walls they ran out of money and now this thing of that was once considered grand is more like a skull with empty sockets glaring at you when the night comes on and the light is leaving the land.

During this convention me and my boy decided we were hunger and decided to go to burger king for a hamburger during one of the breaks (Actually I had gotten my ass killed moments into the game! I was pissed and needed some fresh air.) Well we walk into the BK and are ordering up when I hear Seeker is that you? I look down and say Oh My God! Amy, how are you doing? She smiles and tells me about the divorce and that she moved to a town about 10 minutes away from where I live. I acted the fool and was going ga-ga, trying not to stutter through my small talk. I told her it was great to see her again and left without her phone number and with a bigsmile on my face for having seen her. Hours later I was sitting in the middle of another game and realize to my dismay what I had done, Fuck! I didn't get her number! My friend that was with me laughed and told me to quit dreaming she was a hotty and I'd never be going out with the likes of her. Being the stubborn ass that I am I made him drive me back over there and she was already gone for the day. This bothered me but I figured that shit happens and I was too much of a puss to realize I shoulda asked for her number, and if I had well... Shit I probably woulda been to scared anyways.

Fast Forward 6 months Later

I am 16 and a junior in Highschool. I am definitaly in my rebel phase and have a shaven head (this was before it was cool and most everyone thought of me as a skin head) I wear combat boots every day and an army jacket with a white T-shirt and camo's. I had stopped at a local convenience store that you could buy a soda for 29 cents for a 32 ounce drink. Hell of a deal for a High school kid that likes saving his cash. I am in there doing my normal thing , filling my cup and waiting for the exruciatingly slow amount of time it takes for the fizz to dissappear so that I can fill it to the top. I hear a voice, and it;s once that I recognize... Naw It cannot be her She lives elsewhere WTF she doing here. Continuing to fill my drink I get a tug on my jacket, and a voice says You better not be ignoring me Seeker! I turn around and see her and she had changed into a little punker, and I'll be fucked if she isn't hotter than ever... I don't know what got into me but I picked her up in a big hug and she laughs as I pick her up and before i know she is planting a huge kiss on me...Holy Shit she is kissing me! What do I do now? Kiss her back ok, ok I can do that, I am frantically running this over in my mind and somehow everything stops. Time is gone and it is just me and her kissing and in an embrace. A girl that I had a crush on, but never really understood it until she was gone was actualy kissing me! Wow!

After a moment we pull apart( Actually her little punker freind was apparantly taken aback by this little PDA and started the Ummm guys, guys lets go now bit. She grabbed Amy's hand and pulled her away. They sat in their car for a while and I payed for my drink and gave them both a wave as I got into my truck and have to go through the whole what the fuck are you doing in there from my friend that was waiting in the truck. My reply Dude she kissed me! She actually fucking kissed me! He started laughing and told me we needed to go because he had toget home so we drove off down the road and here comes Amy and her friend. They pull up beside us and Amy waves at me. She looked so happy and had a huge smile upon her lips, but in her eyes there was also a sadness. They kept going and we had to make a turn.... That last thought in my mind is that I, yet again, did not get her number. As if by ESP my boy has to shout out Seeker, you better have gotten her number! Fuck, god Damn and Shit I didn't man Ok! I yell at him as we drive to his house and with him laughing the whole time at me telling me I am such a dumbass.

I learned alot from all of this, and have come to realize many things. For alot of years I had always thought that she could have been my "One" and I truly fucked it up. I never tried to get closer to her, I let opportunity slip through my fingers. I have sworn that for the rest of my life I will never have another regret. If I see something I like and want I will go for it. I will do my damndest, and if it does not succeed it will never be for a lack of trying. If it doesn't work out... Well then at least I gave it all I had to give. She was a lesson for me. One I will never forget.

Amy if you're still out there hun, I just want to let you know that you touched my life in a way I will never forget. You have taught me something that few ever learn.

Thank You, and I hope that your life has turned out to be all you had hoped for.