Call off the Dogs!

Oh man am I apparently in some sort of trouble with a few of my female readers out their in bloglandia for my last post. I think you may have gotten my exact intent confused.. But what's done is done so there will be a couple answers for the 'why's' I received.


1) Why don't you post anything about the bald, hairy fat men?

I will no one shall be safe from my scathing attacks and self interested hatred of those who are an eyesore upon my existence.

2) I recently had surgery so that I can lose weight! How dare you insinuate(fill in the blank)!

Look, I was not singling you out. When I wrote the post I had a very specific person in mind and as well as a few others I have seen on my television. If you took offense I am sorry for your personal guilt complex, but that is not my intent.

3) I am one of those fat women you described you are so rude!

If you wear clothing as I previously described and think you are all that and a bag of biscuits, then you need to read what I write and commit it to memory. If you are just over-weight then you should be laughing at the posted thoughts and enjoying the chuckle because you are the same women I have been around at various times that have nudged me and made fun of them and said those very obnoxious things.


With that said I am going to post something just for you offended women, about myself. That way you can see that I am in no way being self-righteous but am embracing the stupidity that seeps into our daily lives.


I was around 17-18 years of age and out with a compadre getting my breaks fixed. I had a leak in my rear differential and they were having to replace the seal, it was a long ass wait. On this current day I was wearing a tank top and a pair of jeans that I had probably been attached to for about 6 years. They were old, faded, ripped and I had taken a liking to writing and drawing on them (Hey kiss my ass I was in art all of my earlier life and this was the 80's after all). The most problematic area of these particular jeans was a big hole in the crotch and so I just usually wore a pair of shorts underneath my pants to cover my skivvies....No Big deal Right?

Well so me and my boy are sitting around talking, chit chatting and just be utterly bored when a woman probably in her mid to late 40's enters the waiting room while she has her own repairs made. I remember her sitting directly across from me and after a short time she made her way towards me and sat a little closer but it changed her position so that she was facing the counter and was talking to the shop manager. Not too long after this movement she had her car fixed and was paying the bill when she leans over and whispers something into the manager's ear. He laughed a big hearty assed laugh and told her he would take care of it and thanked her for her business, and as she was leaving she paused turned towards me and gave me a big smile and waved as she left.

I am usually confused when people go out of their way to be nice and my friend had also noticed the bit of whispering going on so we kinda looked towards each other and gave a "Fuck If I know.." glance towards one another and we just sat there in silence when the manger bursts out laughing so hard he cannot even breathe. I ask him what's up and he states while chortling at the same time "She wants you to know that she says Thank you for the nice little show your thing gave her!" Ok, now I am totally lost because I don't thinks I ever said one word to her during her short stay. He sees this on my face and laughing all the while tells me to take a look down and points at my crotch!

Holy Shit! Somehow my dick had decided to come out for a bit of fresh air and had moved from the confines of the whiteys I had on to relaxing nicely just out side of the huge hole in the center of my pants. Embarrassed as hell I tuck him all back and just sit there and take the beating of a life time from my friend and the guy running the shop, and of course they had to tell all the mechanics when they came inside to check a ticket or ask a question. So yes, the whole little world of Midas now knew of my unfortunate traveling penis. While a short lived foray into the world outside his normal prison it indeed seems he made a new friend.

Well when this finally settled down and I was no longer as red as a bottle of Ketchup the manager puts a video in the monitor and says "Here guys since you are a couple of young pervs you'll like this". He turns it on and Wham-O! Full action Porn playing right before our eyes! Now you do have to remember this was a simpler time and the internet was just a wet dream to many of the geeks out in the world. This type of excitement wasn't just to be found in everyone's house.

So we watched the show I payed my 300 bucks and made it home with an added embarrassing story in my journal of life.